3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize