How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
