3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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