Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
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