i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
