the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
