Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
