i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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