she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
