All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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