i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
