I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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