You're my little dorito
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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