Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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