my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
