Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize