there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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