??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Randomize