uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You ate ashes out of my bong
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize