when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
