So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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