I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You ate ashes out of my bong
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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