if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
