Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
