you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
