i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
