she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
