She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
