kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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