Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
