Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize