FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
