People with herpes should wear stickers.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize