My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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