This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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