Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
