butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
The maid of honor just puked.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
