Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
