he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
they need to just BURY HIM!
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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