so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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