i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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