Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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