talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
