i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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