Yo dont text me then not text me
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
