I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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