mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
