Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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