yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
