these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
