I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
