Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
