Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
