just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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