We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
