What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i dont even know how to be here
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
