Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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