Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
