i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize