k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Someone signed my nipple.
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