I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
