Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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