I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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