nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
